SUCCESS ON YOUR OWN TERMS NEWSLETTER
Volume #8 - March 2000

Finding A Mentor

Here we are at the end of March, and by now you must all be aware that this has been Women's History month. The women who came before us were willing to take risks to make a difference in the world, provide guidance, and help others move forward. According to Greek mythology, it was actually Athena, the goddess of wisdom, posing as Mentor, who provided Odysseus' son with advice, giving birth to the concept of mentoring.

A lesson to learn from reflecting on the accomplishments of wise women is that you can succeed on your own terms, but you can't succeed alone. Mentors are crucial to success. In my research I found that women who had mentors found navigating the business world much easier - they were able to climb faster and higher than women who lacked that vital support.

So, how can you find a mentor? First, take ownership of the entire mentoring process. It's your responsibility to find a good mentor, to know what you want to learn, and to nurture the relationship. Begin by identifying the characteristics that are most important to you. Generally, mentors should have the following traits:

• leadership skills
• personal and positional power
• self-confidence
• organizational/industry knowledge
• trustworthiness and honesty
• coaching skills

Find out who has these traits by researching people several layers above you in your organization or by looking for people outside your organization who have either more authority or more experience than you. Be selective - make sure they have good reputations and excel at their own jobs. Also make sure potential mentors have values and standards that are in alignment with yours. If you don't have the same set of values and beliefs, the relationship won't work. A mentor's advice needs to be given in relationship to you. If your values aren't aligned, a mentor's suggestion might not work for you.

Mentors also need to be supportive of you, while challenging you to stretch yourself. In this kind of relationship, personal chemistry counts. The fit between you needs to "feel ."

During your initial conversation with a potential mentor, tell her what you admire about her and ask her if she will answer some of your questions and share some of her experiences. Then, tell her about yourself and your accomplishments. Wait to see how the interaction unfolds and if there is a potential for the relationship to grow before asking her to be your mentor.

In setting up a mentoring relationship, gain a clear understanding of the mentoring process. Clarify all expectations - both of you need to understand each other's expectations and goals. Agree on the duration of the relationship and on the agenda - its content and process. How frequently will you meet? How will you communicate? What goals would you both like to accomplish over the span of the relationship? What are the boundaries?

Finally, in the process of looking for a mentor, remember to be a mentor yourself.

COACHING QUESTIONS FOR MENTORING

1. What specific characteristics are most important to you in a mentor? What kind of business knowledge do you want a mentor to have? What kind of personal traits appeal to you? What are the significant values that must be aligned?
2. Where can you go inside or outside your organization to look for someone with whom to establish a mentoring relationship?
3. What first steps will you take to begin finding a mentor?
4. What do you want the mentoring relationship to look like?
5. How will you know if the relationship is working?

©2000-2009 Virginia O'Brien All Rights Reserved

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