Holding Onto Your Power

Volume #7 - February 2000

How we think of power is reflected in our behavior. In my research I have found that women tend not to use the word "power," especially when they are describing what success means to them. It has negative connotations and brings up old dictatorial, authoritarian images.

Power, however, is not just about having formal positions of authority and commanding others; it is about having the ability to act and to influence others to act in particular ways.

Over the past year, a number of my clients have been grappling with the issue of their power. They are all highly competent women, having achieved a variety of challenging goals, and they all feel quite confident about their skill sets. Yet, certain situations - which often have to do with getting their needs met from people who have authority over them - can trigger them to feel insecure and to lose a sense of their own power.

Interestingly, once they get triggered, they all seem to respond the same way: they begin to feel "small." They forget the powerful things they have done in their lives and, instead, tend to focus on the situation that is arousing their insecurity and decreasing their self-esteem. I have experienced this same phenomenon myself - old self-limiting beliefs or defensive responses get sparked and I can fall prey to repeating negative patterns that I thought I had already conquered.

The trick to regaining your power is self-awareness and recognition that you are getting hooked. If you start to feel "small," it's likely that an old feeling, which developed when you were younger or when you had smaller beliefs about yourself and your power, is surfacing.

A way to get unhooked is to remember a specific time when you felt very good about yourself and your accomplishments. Picture how you looked and remember what it felt like. Reconnect with that powerful you - really feel the emotions you experienced. Then, visualize that powerful you handling the situation you are presently facing. The more you practice connecting with your power and the more you remember how you have successfully asserted your power in the past, the easier it will be to keep the connection and prevent yourself from getting hooked on old, belittling beliefs.

COACHING QUESTIONS FOR HOLDING ONTO YOUR POWER

1. When do you feel the most powerful?
2. What do you look like when you are feeling powerful?
3. What does being powerful feel like?
4. What situations trigger you to lose your power?
5. How do you feel when you're out of touch with your power?
6. What are your self-limiting beliefs?
7. What would it take for you to turn your self-limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs?
8. How can you recognize when you are getting hooked? What can you do to get unhooked?
9. How can you use your power more effectively to get your needs met?

Copy © 2000-2002 Virginia O'Brien All s Reserved

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