Balance: Saying "No" and Setting Boundaries

Volume #4 - November 1999

With the holidays bearing down on us balance becomes even more of an issue as more tasks seem to accompany the celebrations of the season. How can we gain control over all the things we have to do and balance the demands of work with the personal demands of the holidays?

One of the first ways to get a grip on the swirl of events that begin at this time of year is to get grounded – be thankful that you have a bountiful plate, and then say, "No thanks." In one of the earlier issues, we talked about learning how to handle it when someone says "no" to you; this issues focuses on learning to say "no" yourself.

The first step is to determine what to say "no" to – learn to prioritize. Here are some nuggets of wisdom from several successful corporate women.

Lynn Crump, a vice president at McDonald's, says "If a hundred things are put in front of you, you had better know which ten or which two are really the most important to your job, to your boss, and to the strategic and tactical goals of your company." Understanding the crucial issues facing your boss and your company helps you determine where to focus your energies. You can say "no" to the other less important things piled on your desk – they can be dealt with later or delegated to others.

Cathy Spotts, another corporate vice president, claims that many tasks don't need the attention you give them. She used to give 150 percent to everything until she realized that some tasks didn't require 100 percent of her attention and others didn't need to be done at all. Cathy also provides leadership on balance by telling her people not to send voice-mail or e-mail messages to her or to each other at home during vacations or holidays unless it's a real emergency.

In addition to learning how to prioritize, Connie Van Zandt, a manager at Gannett, says it's also crucial to schedule reasonable commitment dates on projects. If you underestimate how long it will take to get a project finished, you will not only find yourself stressed out from overwork trying to meet deadlines that aren't reasonable, but you could also end up compromising the quality of your work. So, watch out for your need to please and say "no" to deadlines that strain your capacity and stress you out.

Whether it's at the office or at home, there's always more to do than you can do, so learn to put boundaries on your work and delegate tasks that are not of primary importance to others. Communicate those boundaries to the people who need to know about them and gain clarity about who is responsible for what.

At home, hold a family meeting to establish goals and tasks for the holidays – everything doesn't have to fall on your shoulders. However, that also means you have to give up some control – everything can't be done your way. Although performance excellence is a hallmark of success, women tend to overemphasize perfection more than men do, so celebrate by letting go of your need for the perfect meal, the perfect gift, and perfect holidays.

COACHING QUESTIONS ON BALANCE

What is so fening about saying "no"? If you say "no" what will happen?
Are your priorities in the order? What does your boss care about most? If you don't know the answer, find out by asking.
Do you have a need to be in control of all the tasks that must be done? What will happen if you let go of your need to control? What steps can you take to begin letting go?
Are you a perfectionist? What will happen if things aren't done perfectly?
How can you make better estimates for determining the length of time it will take you to finish projects? Look at your patterns and figure out what's going on that causes you to underestimate deadlines or to acquiesce to unrealistic ones.
Have you surrounded yourself with the people? Successful women say that a key to balance is having good people around you. You can delegate much more easily if you have people around you whom you can count on and trust.
Are you a role model for balance? How you behave affects the people around you at work and at home. Getting yourself in better balance, will help them to get in better balance.