Communicating Across Styles

Volume #48 - August 2006

I’m sure most of you have taken some kind of behavioral assessment — an MBTI or a DISC or an HBDI — that tells you whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, whether you’re a change agent or a process-oriented person, or whether you’re task-oriented and focus on getting the job done or people-oriented and care more about harmony and relationships. What’s great about these instruments is that they raise our self-awareness and help us to see what our natural strengths are and what our greatest challenges are. However, we have to utilize them to get the full benefit they offer.

If you haven’t completed one of these assessment instruments, I recommend that you do. They help us to recognize why we get along more easily with some people than with others, and why we find certain people particularly challenging. If we put the knowledge we gain from these instruments to proper use we can greatly improve our day-to-day communications and effectiveness, and feel better about ourselves. These instruments provide us with information about how to adapt to other styles, as well as insights into how to motivate and manage others. They also help us to determine whether we fit in with the culture of our organization, because organizations have particular styles too. When we have this kind of knowledge and understanding, we can de-personalize difficulties we might be having with others and not lose our confidence. We can learn how to more effectively manage people who can drive us crazy because their traits are so different from ours.

I happen to like DISC the best and use it with my clients. I also use it with my clients’ teams so that everyone on the team gains greater understanding of the team’s dynamics based on the different styles of team members. Time and again I’ve watched how knowledge of style differences helps people to cope better with one another.

Here are some guidelines, which are based on the DISC model from Target Training International, and on the MBTI model from The Type Reporter.

To communicate with ambitious, forceful, decisive, strong-willed, fast-moving, independent and goal-oriented people (D style in DISC), make sure you:

• Are clear, specific, brief, relevant and to-the-point.
• Stick to the business at hand and don’t go off on tangents.
• Be prepared and provide well organized, bulleted, factual information.
• Take a positive approach and talk about options for success.

To communicate with enthusiastic, friendly, demonstrative and political visionaries (I Style in DISC), make sure you:

• Provide a warm, friendly, up-beat environment and avoid being cold, curt, data-driven and negative.
• Ask “feeling” questions to draw out their opinions and share the opinions of others whom they hold in high regard.
• Listen for their vision and help them to see how the details connect to their big picture.
• Put the details in writing and don’t try to control the conversation.
• Help them see that planning and schedules are supportive frameworks and not limitations.

To communicate with patient, predictable, reliable, steady, relaxed, team-oriented people (S style in DISC), make sure you:

• Break the ice with personal comments and don’t rush right into business.
• Say what you want to say in a soft, non-threatening way without being domineering or demanding.
• Ask “how” questions to draw them out, and don’t force them to respond quickly to you.
• Talk about how change will take place and give them a roadmap to make them feel more secure.
• Be clear about roles, responsibilities, decisions and deadlines, and give them time to process.

To communicate with neat, conservative, analytical, quality-oriented and careful perfectionists (C style in DISC), make
sure you:

• Prepare your case in advance and present it in an organized manner with goals, objectives and timelines.
• Stick to business and don’t be too informal or loud or expect to chit-chat.
• Are accurate and realistic and don’t push too hard.
• Acknowledge the quality control they bring to projects.
• Respect the physical space they need to work and don’t hover over them.

When communicating with extroverts (D & I in the DISC model):

• Ask questions and give opinions and observations. Extraverts think out loud and they want to hear your thinking.
• Add details to explanations, making them specific and brief. Extraverts can be fast movers who don’t pay attention to details, but need them.

When communicating with introverts (S & C in the DISC model):

• Talk one-on-one. Introverts like people but they feel more comfortable communicating in a more intimate setting.
• Don’t expect an immediate reaction or feedback.
• Give them time for reflection; they need to process the information.
• Write out careful, substantive plans.

When communicating with thinkers (D & C in the DISC model):

• Address tasks first and be clear about your rationale and business case.
• Respond logically, not emotionally.

When communicating with feelers (I & S in the DISC model):

• Respond to feelings before facts and demonstrate support for them on a personal level.
• Give feedback carefully because feelers tend to take feedback personally.

If you're not clear about the style of different people and can't tell from observing them, ask them if they are an introvert or an extrovert. Then ask them if they focus more on the task at hand or on the relationships of the people involved in a project when they are working. D and I styles are extroverts. S and C styles are introverts. D and C styles focus on tasks and I and S styles focus on relationships and people. This is an extremely simplified version of what the DISC instrument can tell us about people, but just understanding these simple distinctions can be enormously helpful.

The key to utilizing style differences is to value the style of each person and recognize the contribution that each style makes to the team and the organization. If you know your own style and the style of the people around you, you’ll be able to adapt your style to meet their needs, and you’ll have a much greater chance of getting them to respond better to you and your ideas.

Coaching Questions

1. What style are you?
2. How does your style help or hinder you in your organization?
3. What style challenges you the most? How can you adapt?

Copyright © 2006 Ginny O'Brien All Rights

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