HOW TO NEGOTIATE: WHAT EVERY LEADER NEEDS TO KNOW

Volume #41 - April 2005

Last fall I attended a workshop on negotiation at Simmons College led by Deborah Kolb, Ph.D., author of The Shadow Negotiation and Everyday Negotiation. I went for the purpose of bringing back my learning to my clients and my readers. Then, earlier this month I moderated a panel at The Conference Board's Women's Leadership Conference in San Diego and ran into Carol Frohlinger, a colleague who is now in partnership with Deborah and recently co-authored Her Place at the Table with Deborah and Judith Williams.

This prompted me to get going with this issue and focus on the topic of negotiation. Most of the information in this newsletter comes from Deborah's workshop and from a Power Negotiating Workshop given by Pascale Macleod that I attended several years ago.

Negotiation is a critical leadership skill that calls for self-awareness. So, before you begin to negotiate, pay attention to the ways in which you can trip yourself up. When you are trying to negotiate, what gets in your way? Do you have confidence in yourself and believe that you are entitled to ask for what you want? Do you look for ways to get your needs met by recognizing opportunities to negotiate? Or do you miss opportunities because you haven't thought about negotiating for them? Deborah says that negotiation is not just about getting the salary or job, but that almost everything we do at work is negotiable.

Another belief about negotiation that can get in your way is the idea that you have to be tough and aggressive in order to be a successful negotiator. Aggressive communicators attack people or roll over them in order to get what they want. But you don't have to negotiate that way. Being an assertive communicator is a key success factor at work and in negotiations. I've talked about this over and over in these newsletters — being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. To negotiate well and to be assertive, you must be prepared, know what you want, and understand your own strengths while recognizing areas in which you might be vulnerable. When you are assertive, you are firm and flexible, which means that you are able to articulate your needs in an emotionally grounded, confident manner, and adapt to meet the needs of the situation and the other person. You don't push the other person around and you don't allow yourself to be pushed around.

According to Deborah, when we are negotiating, especially as women, we are always negotiating about more than just the issues at hand: We are also negotiating our relationship with the other person. Since there is this "shadow negotiation" taking place, we need to be able to put those relationship issues on the table as well as the negotiation issues in order to be successful.

To familiarize you with the negotiation process, let me share some key negotiation concepts with you.

BATNA - This stands for the "best alternative to a negotiated agreement." In other words, without a negotiated agreement, what will happen? Understanding your BATNA and the BATNA of the other person will help you see the value of negotiating because the negotiation should be able to provide a better outcome than your BATNA.

Interests - These are the goals, needs, desires, fears, and concerns of you and the other party. This is what the negotiation is about.

Options - These refer to all the possible ways of finding a solution. As you go through the negotiation process, you always want to check to make sure that you are addressing all the possible options.

Standards of Legitimacy - These are the guideposts that help you to assess that the process is fair and objective, that a neutral third party would approve of the way in which both parties are interacting.

Commitments - These are the promises that each party makes as a result of the negotiation. Commitments contain the who, what, when, where and how of the negotiated agreement.

Two-way Communication - Every negotiation requires the use of skillful conversation techniques: the ability to listen actively to the other person's point of view; the ability to inquire respectfully of the other person and to ask powerful questions that will draw out the issues, bringing clarity and understanding; and the ability to advocate respectfully for your own position.

Relationship - A role of negotiation in the workplace is to assist in building quality relationships based on understanding, acceptance, trust, and cooperation.

To become a skillful negotiator, here are some guidelines for you to follow:

Be prepared - Gather as much information as possible ahead of time.

Determine the BATNA for both of you. Is there a better alternative? What will you both have to do if you don't have a negotiated agreement?

Know the other party's perception of your BATNA? Is it accurate? Is it helpful to you? If not, what can you do to change it?

Know what you want. What's your bottom line? What are your goals? What would make you say yes?

Know the other person's bottom line. What does he or she want and need?

What would make the other person say yes?

Understand your strengths and vulnerabilities and the issues - What's motivating both parties to be there? What value does each bring to the table? The more knowledge you have ahead of time, the better you'll be in the moment, knowing how to respond and shape a successful agreement.

Build Rapport and Connection - Create the space to build rapport with the other person by setting the context and demonstrating your interdependence. Address your "shared fate" and the need to make good choices. Promote participation and buy-in. Know how to open the negotiation.

Position yourself, your interests and value - Make your value visible so that the other person understands your significance and realizes the benefits of negotiating with you. Position yourself so that you can negotiate and problem solve creatively.

Unearth all options - Make sure you have examined every possible solution in finding ways to solve the issues. Explore all the sides to the story, and the perceptions and biases you both hold. Together brainstorm multiple options from which you would both mutually gain and then evaluate them.

Manage the structure and process with skillful conversation techniques that focus on relationship building - Advocate for yourself. Inquire about the other party's interests and issues using powerful questions, and work toward mutually satisfying solutions. Don't attack the person; attack the problem. Address the problem by looking at the issues and the options. Uncover the "shadow negotiation" so that hidden agendas can be addressed. Share your understanding of the other party's interests and ask for feedback. Discuss BATNAs as a way to create opportunities and options.

Recognize moves others make to throw you off balance - Moves are bluffs, attacks, commitments, arguments, persuasive tactics, and challenges, They include challenges to your competency, criticisms of your style, threats against you, appeals to your sympathy, the demeaning of your ideas, and even flattery.

Manage Moves & Challenges - Anticipate moves that put you at a disadvantage, and counter them to level the playing field by...

Interrupting the move and stopping the action
Naming the move, showing that you know it's a move
Questioning the move and turning it back on the other person
Correcting the move and offering an alternative
Diverting the move by focusing back on the problem

Make wise commitments - Make sure you know the who, what, when, where and how. Make sure you have examined all the angles so that you know the commitments can be fulfilled. Gain final clarity by feeding back your understanding of the agreement.

These are just the basics. To be a skilled negotiator, you must look for opportunities to negotiate and practice, practice, practice.

COACHING QUESTIONS

What gets in your way when you are negotiating? What do you need to do to improve in this area?
What are the issues that you face each day that call for negotiation?
What keeps you from seeing opportunities and options?
What happens to you when people use moves against you?
What do you need to do to keep yourself grounded when you encounter moves and challenges?

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