Responding to Trauma and Stress
Volume #22 - September 2001
The days following the horror of September 11 have been extremely difficult for everyone. Although we have been advised to get back to work and back to normal, you might be discovering that isn't easy. Each of us has been traumatized to some degree, and even though there are common symptoms and reactions to trauma, each of us responds in our own particular way. This is a time for us to honor our own feelings and responses as well as the feelings and responses of others and for making extra efforts to communicate and be supportive as we work our way through the stages of grief.
It's also a time for us to go inside ourselves so that we can understand our own responses better. The more we know about ourselves the better equipped we are to manage difficult situations.
For example, one of my clients, an assertive "can-do" kind of guy, was surprised at how much he was impacted. He was disappointed with himself for not being able to focus on work the way he wanted to. When we explored his feelings more, we discovered that he prides himself on his ability to solve problems. He considers himself a man of action and people turn to him to get things done. But he couldn't solve this problem. He hadn't realized until our coaching session how frustrated he felt at not being able to move into action. Until he got clear on this, his own feelings had confused and distracted him even more.
Another client heads up a team that travels frequently. In fact, before the disaster, the company wanted people to travel more as the company continued to expand globally. Now, people are hesitant to get on planes. How can you assuage people's fears when they've witnessed the unbelievable? How can you keep the wheels of business turning when the world has shifted so dramatically?
The first thing to do is to create space for people to feel their feelings. Allow people the opportunity to share their concerns without judging them. Some people will need to vent more than others. Some will show anger and rage; others will be sorrowful and scared. As a leader it is your job to both hold the space for people's fear and grief and to provide hope for a new vision of the future. now the most important thing you can offer your workers and colleagues is a feeling of emotional safety - allow them to feel what they need to feel and then be there for them to support them in moving forward.
It's also important to recognize that these stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - don't necessarily come in neat packages. People might begin to feel better one day and then regress the next. Healing takes time, so try to be more patient with people. But, at the same time, make sure that people know they have work to do as the structure of working and completing tasks will help to make them feel better.
Also remember that before you can take care of others, you need to take care of yourself. So be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Get enough rest. Eat well and exercise. If you don't absolutely need to, don't make any major decisions now. Spend time reflecting and connecting with your spiritual self. Look to the future with hope for justice and love. And make time for the people you love.
COACHING QUESTIONS
- What are you feeling now?
- What can you do for yourself now?
- What kinds of responses are you witnessing in your colleagues and friends?
- What do they need from you?
- What is the best way for you to replenish your spirit?
Copy © 2000 Virginia O'Brien All s Reserved
