Balancing Our Gifts

Volume #15 - December 2000

During the holiday season, we can easily find ourselves stressed out, with our patience and nerves stretched even more than they normally are. Finding the time to do holiday things makes us even more aware that balancing our lives is truly tricky.

So, I'd like to share a tool from the Coaches Training Institute with you that can help you to get a new perspective on balance. I've adapted the use of this tool in some ways, but the basic components are the same.

Draw a circle and inside the circle create sections (like the pieces of a pie) for each of the important areas of your life - for all the significant gifts that you have. For instance, one section for health, one for children and family, one for friends, one for romantic relationships, one for hobbies and recreation, one for finances, one for spiritual and personal growth, and one for your career. Make as many sections as necessary - you want the circle to fully represent all the gifts in your life.

Then, inside of each section write the percentage of time you spend nurturing that particular gift. In other words, how much of your time do you spend with your children? How much time exercising and taking care of your health? How much with your friends? Remember, when you add all the percentages together they must equal 100 percent.

When, you are finished, look at the whole pie. What do the numbers tell you?

I often use this tool with my clients, and, unfortunately, sometimes they are shocked to discover that there are sections with 0%. I've had several clients who have not taken the time to nuture their talents - they have no hobbies! When they saw that on paper it jolted them.

If you are like many people, the career slice of your pie is far bigger than the others. It's important and justifiable to give our careers attention because the talents and skills we use at work are our gifts, and paying attention to them not only increases our self-esteem but also helps us to pay our bills and to have the money to engage in other activities. But if you only pay attention to your talents and gifts at work, if you don't nurture other precious gifts, you put yourself in jeopardy of losing them. If you don't give your other gifts the time and attention they need, they might strike out at you in some way - because if they can't get your attention in a good way, they'll try to get it anyway they can. Usually that means your children, your relationships, and/or your health will suffer.

So, after you've had time to reflect on what the present numbers are telling you, decide how much time you want to spend on each gift in the coming year. Remember that if you increase your time in one area, you have to decrease it in another. So it's essential for you to prioritize the significance of those gifts in your life.

In striving for balance, however, don't bite off more than you can chew. Make sure the changes you want to make are realistic.

The real goal of this exercise is to raise your awareness, to get you to make better choices about how you spend your time, and to get you to commit to taking small steps in new directions. For instance, if you want to increase the amount of time you exercise in order to take care of your health, you need to tell yourself what, when, and how you are going to make changes. Be very specific. As an example, instead of gulping down lunch at your desk, commit to spending at least 15 minutes of your lunch time walking. If you commit to doing that four days a week, you've added an hour a week of exercise to your weekly activities. It's not a lot, but it's a good start. Small wins add up: they create small shifts and will keep you motivated.

As you continue to make small steps and better choices, you will gradually see your pattern changing. And although you might never reach perfect balance (unless you're one of those rare perfect human beings) you'll be much more capable of appreciating all your gifts all year long. And you'll feel more fulfilled.

COACHING QUESTIONS

1. What would a balanced pie look like for you?
2. What will it take for you to change the size of the pieces of your pie?
3. Which gifts need the most immediate attention?
4. What small steps will lead you to take better care of those gifts all year long?
5. How can you take small steps without demanding perfection of yourself?

Copy © 2000 Virginia O'Brien All s Reserved

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